Taking Time to Slow Down

Sometimes I find myself lost in my head. Everything feels like it’s a blur. Life can move too quickly and I don’t process it. I can move too quickly and choose not to process things, ignoring and avoiding what’s happening inside me.

I was on a canoe trip with our Christian Formation students here (more on that in another letter) and felt this foggy shadow over me quite viscerally. We had a solo time in which we pursue solitude with God through prayer, scripture reading, journaling, and the like. I wanted to pray but every time I prayed I’d start off on 20 other avenues of thought. My mind wandered back and forth as I rested in the sun. I enjoyed the peace of the warm light and the quiet rush of the river, but felt so unspiritual, like the disciples sleeping in the garden whilst Jesus prayed tears of blood.

I got up and started a little walk. Latching on to a memory of clarity, I began to pray in a model I had used while in Austria. Praying through my past, present, and future, I used each of those larger categories to engage with God in thanksgiving, awareness, and request. After giving thanks for specific instances of God’s presence in the years of my life, I asked him where he is in my present. I saw it all but still felt this shadow blocking my view and muddying my clarity. I started to pray about my future. I reflected on something I had read from C.S. Lewis - the enemy distracts us with thoughts of the future, for it is only in the present that we can experience the presence of God. It was like the sun warming the clouds and vaporizing the fog and my incredible life came into shape. I’m so blessed to walk with God, to be renewed and healed, and to rest even as I work in his glory. This is the best thing ever, to live with the great lover and become an expression of his love for the world.

I’ve been on the top of a mountain, something I can see, something I had to physically overcome to reach the summit, and missed out on absorbing the beauty of the moment. If this can happen with a mountain, it can happen with people. We’re absorbed in ourselves and don’t notice their presence. Even when interacting with someone we can forget that they exist. Have you ever done that before? Now imagine how easy it is for us to forget God’s presence, provision, and power in our lives. Just because the fog hangs over you doesn’t mean the light isn’t behind it. It takes a walk and a prayer - and in his great mercy, he meets with us.

“You will seek me and find me,
when you seek me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 29:11

I want to walk with you through this prayer too. Over the next few weeks, you will receive 3 more emails from me. First we have to go back to my time in Austria. There we will reminisce and give thanks to God for how he walked with me there. Second, we travel to Canada and I’ll share how God is ministering here through what we do at Frontier Lodge and how I’ve been blessed to be a part of it. Lastly I will share my short term 2 year plan, and broader vision for the ministry God has commissioned me to.

I’ll share the struggles - times of doubt, reckonings with unbelief, and battles with sin and temptation. I’m also excited to share the blessings - stories of growing prayer partnerships from across the ocean, testimonies of transformation from the summer camps, and tales of adventure in God’s beautiful and wild creation. The best part is that through it all, I can boast in what Christ has done, is doing, and will do. I can boast in my weaknesses, because in them He is revealed. And I can boast in the goodness of God, who blesses us beyond what we ask for and gives us his mercy and grace. It’s his life bubbling up in us that makes us flourish. It is his word in us that will make us like trees by streams of abundant water, producing fruit in keeping with his heart in us.

Thank you for reading my letter! If you’re interest in supporting me, you can give at the link below. I also need your prayers and encouragement. I pray for you, that God is working in your life and that you would grow in your understanding of God’s love.