A Quick Thought... about thinking
Something I hoped to change this year & by switching to this platform was my ability to write. I used to be a prolific writer. I loved doing it when I was in high school. This naturally flowed from my love of reading. When I was 8, I think I read the Hobbit for the first time. One time, I took out so many books from the library that when they all went overdue at the same time I had to pay $10 or $15 for the fines, only a couple days late.
As I grew older, I became more visually oriented towards video & photo, for better or worse. I grew to love taking pictures & watching films, but lost my attention span for reading. In all honesty, something happened to me over the changing years that I'm not proud of.
I lost a love for learning.
A desire to learn is a humble desire to see the world more truthfully. To lose that feels like it is part of my own pursuit of selfishness & pride. It's always possible I never truly loved learning. Maybe I was always seeking to be entertained more than I was seeking to grow my mind. Regardless, I can see how I've changed & I don't like it.
My whole thinking has changed. I accept stories & "data" that align with my views of the world without going deeper. The narratives I believe are true go unchallenged & I'm more sensitive to challenge to it. With a lost passion for reading, & writing, I've lost the passion to think. I tend to go from one form of task or diversion to the next, satisfying myself by remaining busy always. If reading represented my love for learning, I think writing represented my love for processing rationally. And without thinking, it's easy to become less & less human.
It's easy to stay static in myself & not grow.
So here I am, realizing that I need a journal. This isn't my personal diary - not all thoughts are meant to be shared. But maybe I can start to take back some of the things I've lost. Even better, maybe I can find something new - a passion for learning & processing disconnected from the need to achieve. Communication without pride, seeking humility & understanding. I haven't thought much about this. But I want to act. Once a week, I will write for 10 minutes. I'll take 5 minutes after to think & edit what I've written. And that will be my journal. You're welcome to join me, if you want.
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